When the pain goes away I vow to be over this!

The chemo port is gone....I am sore as hell. It feels like someone slugged me numerous times. I am bruised and I am limited on my right arms' movements because of it. Damn it hurts. I got through the surgery okay. Cried as usual. I wished I could figure out what the tears are all about...I think it's all the fear one endures with cancer. You get to a point where it consumes you and just becomes overwhelming. When they prepped me, i layed there and teared up...I tried my damdest to figure my tears out, but it is fear. I loved the happy drug though...really I did.:)  That's kind of a scary thought to think I enjoyed escaping.On my ride there to avoid getting fearful, I actually was concentrating on the upcoming drug and thought that's the best part of the procedure! In the waiting area all I could think was "another damn surgical procedure" When I was under I could hear the surgeons conversation like an echo-but I just can't remember the subject matter. I do remember wincing 2 different times. Something hurt terribly. When I awoke they gave me the port in a ziplock bag. It was unreal. No wonder why it hurt coming out. The size of a bottle cap with a tube that went into my artery! It was unbelievable looking. When the pain goes away I want to be so done with this episode of my life. It ruined my sons' life, scared the hell out of my family and friends and turned me inside out. When this damn port removal pain goes away, I vow to be over this cancer crap.