She would've been 90, but she died at 50

January 16th is a date that stops me in my tracks every year. My Moms birthday.Birthdays were a very big deal in my childhood not just for me, but for the whole family. Gifts, and a cake with ice cream, and a gathering and the infamous phonecall: "__ years ago today I brought home a little baby girl!"...and on and on and on.My Mom made a big deal about them. But her birthdays were cut short, way too short.She died at 50, from Cancer. I found my Moms gravesite just 2 months ago, after having not visited it for decades, My husband and I were in nearby Vacaville at a birthday party in Fairfield. There was no way I could be that close and not visit her gravesite. I was hell bent on finding it. After several strolls around the vicinity in which I thought she was in, I found her! It was unreal. I had some coffee in hand and sat down near her plot and sipped the rest of it. Mom loved coffee. Coffee with her girlfriends was a must each day of her living life. I never shared coffee with her when she was alive, so this coffee moment was extra special. My visit confirmed to me, I must see it again, and why not on January 16th? January 16th 2022, I packed up my car with my silly Olde English Bulldog, LugNut, a small bouquet of flowers and pine clippings from my beautiful property and we trekked to Vacaville again. I zig zagged through the cemetary as I was trying to find it quicker this time, up and down the narrow one laned roads and I finally did find her plot.I did! Unloading all that I brought, the pretty red carnation flowers and baby breaths, the cellphone, and LugNut all leashed up, we walked to her grave. There it was and there it blaringly showed she was 90. She would've been. LugNut immediately sat down with his Bulldog side saddle and sat right smack on the edge of her gravesite, turned around with that funny little lower poutted lip and looked at Me.I laughed and thought, "Gosh my Mom would've loved you LugNut" She loved cats, and horses and all types of dogs. Vacaville was where she was born and she stayed at the family Cherry Farm ranch as a child, so it all felt like home to Me. I saw a beautiful blue jay fly down to the fence and stare our way. I wondered if it was Mom maybe checking in with Me. I really didn't say much. I placed the pretty bouquet of flowers in the small vase I brought there, and placed the extra pine sprigs on her parents grave, my great great Aunt's grave and my Grampas Brother and sister in law graves. I had really only one important yet sad thing to say: "I miss you Mom". I packed up my things and slowly cruised out of the cemetary.I scrolled through my playlist in my phone and selected the Sappy Sads, and as I pulled out of the cemetary grounds I heard an old Jim Croce song, "Time In A Bottle", my Mom loved that song, and I smiled knowing I made a big thing about HER birthday today, and she deserved it. She would've been 90, but she died at 50.

3 stories of Self Care at the Rose Hotel

Plans for Christmas 2021 became increasingly stressful as we neared the day. Carefully watching the forecast of the sierra's impending snow storm began to dictate whether plans to be with our son would be feasible.My husband started his loud ranting about how our son doesn't spend time with us, how he is tired of going to other peoples homes, how he has an obligation to keep our property plowed along with the neighbors properties he felt obligated to do also.The escalation of his yelling was turning my stomach again. I wanted to see my son, I wanted to then go down to Capitola to my serenity, and then on the way home would attend my dear friends celebration of life services. I was orchestrating it all to make it work out. I was internalizing allot of jumbled up nerves. I hated where it was all going. I called my son and let him know I was worrying about the weather and played down his Fathers thoughts.My son came through with an idea...spend the night at the historic Rose Hotel on Main Street in downtown Pleasanton, attend the Christmas gathering and next day head to Capitola. I loved the idea,as it was his gift to us for Christmas. As my husband continuued to rant and then conclude the gift certificate was being spent with money we lent our son I knew this plan was going nowhere.I realized I can go solo, husband can stay home and do his plowing and receive his kudos from all the neighbors and I was going to find my peace of mind. After making sure Christmas Eve he had his favorite meal, I played the game because I knew in my mind I was about to feed my soul, and practice self care. Christmas morning I crawled out the driveway in my AWD Honda with light snow gently falling along with a huge storm pending and my favorite hand picked Christmas tunes playing through my phone. I was escaping. All I could think is :Merry Christmas to me. I stayed at the Rose Hotel decades ago, with my husband in fact. I wrote a cute story about how we had met, when the marriage was all good, and sure enough I hit the jackpot with a complimentary stay at The Rose.When I entered the hotel with my suitcase in hand and saw it was still magical. Every single corner was decorated with holiday decor, the fire was burning in the fireplace and the coincierge was so lovely. My room wasn't quite ready so I sat myself on the cozy velvet couch, sipping a delicious cup of coffee while watching the rain out the decorated windows. I was in my heaven. Moments later I saw a solo man sit down at a lobby table, open his laptop and feverishly begin typing away. He answered a few phone calls and went back to his project. I couldn't help but to at least walk by and wish him a Merry Christmas.It seemed sensible to ask "a tourist?". "No", he paused for a few seconds and said "actually I live right down the street"."oh, how nice a staycation?"I asked. "Well actually I moved out from my house, my girlfriend and I are going through something,this hotel made the most sense for me to escape to", I replied, "wow not the best time to be going through this, but if it's any consolation to you, I have a scrooge at home who pretty much dictated my outcome of staying here tonight. Besides I want to see my son, and then escape to Capitola a few days" The conversation comfortably continuued. "She doesn't know what she wants, wants to travel all the time, but I have a business to run, I can't just do that", I replied, "she sounds restless, I was married before, he left me unexpectedly and I knew right then I better travel to places I've never been to, get my career together and get myself a roof over my head, and I did,my condo that I am escaping to is just that, it's my peace of mind,it's my 401, I'm not letting anyone take that away from me""This stay here tonight is exactly what I need" Our conversation was very pleasant as we shared our personal stories. Suddenly the coincierge walked by and smiled "I couldn't help but hear your conversation, I was married before, he was an alcoholic, I had to get out. I remarried but I then knew more of what I need to stay sane in life, I stay here on weekends to do my job and then go home afterwards. it's how I keep my marriage working" We all looked at each other and laughed.There we were all finding ways to practice self care, save ourselves from the drama we signed up for in our sometimes sad lives. There really was nothing more to say to my friend, but "I hope it works out to whatever is best, Merry Christmas, and thanks so much for the chat" I checked in my room and oohed and awed all the beauty in it's 4 walls. A jacuzzi spa, luxurious bed, velvet chairs, quiet, just the gift I needed. Adam and his fiance' came and picked me up and brought me to the Christmas gathering. We laughed, we ate, we drank and exchanged gifts.I was dropped off back at The Rose Hotel and stopped in the lobby and sat by the glowing fire alone and thought about my night. I did treat myself to a wonderful gift by not letting my husbands tyrrade stop me and there I was with 2 others, all 3 of us who had found The Rose Hotel to feed our souls and practice the self care we needed for our stories. It was magical, it was wonderful because we were all blessings to each other at the beautiful magical Rose Hotel.