La La Land, the Movie. I can so relate

After voicing a few spots this morning I made my dash through the stormy rain to see another Oscar nominated movie today. I have this goal to see as many as I can so when I watch the magical night I understand the winning moment the actor is feeling while on stage accepting that Oscar. I saw La La Land today. Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling.I didn't know what to expect, just heard the reviews but didn't know how I would embrace it after it all was over with. An aspiring actress,"Mia" and a dedicated jazz musician "Sebastian" pursuing their dreams in Hollywood. As the movie progressed I grew more and more attached to the story. I understood about all the auditions. I understood accepting the little gigs in hopes it's all part of the journey of paying my dues for the big gigs, I understood the tenacity and hope of never giving up my dream. When Sebastian comes back to encourage Mia to go for her biggest audition yet, and through tears she shared all her fear,it was then that I felt the huge lump in my throat,thinking I can relate! I thought of my many Radio and Voice Actor friends who want to just fulfill that dream, and how many rejections come with it all. I flashed on the endless times going to my mailbox and finding the form rejection letters about my Radio demo not what they were looking for, I flashed on when I was blind sided and told we can't keep you because you are associated with him, or when the PD called me in 2 weeks before Christmas and told me they were going in a new direction and to walk myself out quietly without saying good bye to my colleagues, and crying the whole way home on BART. Of all days to take public transportation, there I was with my box filled with all my accumulated show prep., or the PD that called me on the phone saying the full timers were going to voice track so he wouldn't need me, I could be on stand bye, (like that was going to pay bills!)or the most brutal axe: telling me 10 minutes before I was to go on the air "the show doesn't work", and then expected me to go live and full fill my host duties. He didn't know after my 4 hour show, I wept as soon as I turned off the mic and walked alone late at night to my car. Then my transitioning into voice overs, the training, the cold calls, the auditions with no bookings. Hearing a commercial ad I auditioned for on TV voiced by someone else. It all makes you scared. it makes you doubt your self worth, it makes you want it more, it makes you feel crazy for wanting it.The tears were streaming down my cheeks as I sat there and I wondered if anyone in that theater other than an actor would understand these emotions I was feeling. Then what really got me was Mia's (Emma) song in her ultimate audition, Her ode to the dreamers who chase their dreams,..."Here's to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem. Here's to the hearts that break. Here's to the mess we make" I guess madness really is key to performing, but like the story ends, I'd do it all again.