Crappy Christmas in 2020, some mic time to lift my spirits

I do not stand alone with the mental struggles that go on at this time of the year. This whole 2020 journey was one huge cluster f---.I started off the new year in January with yet another diagnosis of colon cancer, the necessary surgery, and now back on the treadmill of a one day at a time life, and then Covid. No I didn't get it,, but the threat lingered over my head like everybody else's. Living in the mountains allowed me this past Summer to sit on a riverbank for hours and collect river rocks in fresh running water without wearing a stupid ass mask, Thanksgiving was guarded, and then Christmas...my scrooge husband who hates it made it horrible by accusing me of catering to my son, doing whatever he wants, just ruined it all, but then there was the reality that our son now is being swayed toward his new girlfriends family, so I stayed home and watched music videos, gathered wood for the stove and sipped on a few Baileys and coffee while my husband went about his man baby ways. I periodically came up to my laptop and checked emails to see if I landed the voice over gig from a long time ago client only to find out the client picked another voice. Another disappointment. I really started thinking about it all. My year and all the episodes and I thought to myself..." a rejection for a VO gig will always be sad" It knocks me off my game for awhile...I mumble to myself, "WTF, why didn't I get that, what didn't they like about me?" It all totally messes with ones mind, and yet believe it or not the disappointing sad feeling is right up there with everything else that goes on in our lives this past year. So I am no different, and yes through the grace of Cancer I can immediately realize other people had worse stories than mine. Sometimes it still feels like mine is just as tough.I sit here on my Saturday night and with my thoughts like a roller coaster ride up and down and up and down, I sit and listen to my pre recorded KZAP radio show and smile. I text a few friends and invite them to listen to all the cool music. The music that brings us back to high school times, times when I didn't even have an ounce of the struggles I have now. Those were the times for sure. The music was magical, it seems to bring me peace. My thoughts stop racing around.Funny how it only makes sense when I can't handle it all anymore, I listen to music, turn others onto it, and think the hell with it all. Escape. That's what I do best, so here I am....thanks for escaping with me.