Crappy Christmas in 2020, some mic time to lift my spirits

I do not stand alone with the mental struggles that go on at this time of the year. This whole 2020 journey was one huge cluster f---.I started off the new year in January with yet another diagnosis of colon cancer, the necessary surgery, and now back on the treadmill of a one day at a time life, and then Covid. No I didn't get it,, but the threat lingered over my head like everybody else's. Living in the mountains allowed me this past Summer to sit on a riverbank for hours and collect river rocks in fresh running water without wearing a stupid ass mask, Thanksgiving was guarded, and then Christmas...my scrooge husband who hates it made it horrible by accusing me of catering to my son, doing whatever he wants, just ruined it all, but then there was the reality that our son now is being swayed toward his new girlfriends family, so I stayed home and watched music videos, gathered wood for the stove and sipped on a few Baileys and coffee while my husband went about his man baby ways. I periodically came up to my laptop and checked emails to see if I landed the voice over gig from a long time ago client only to find out the client picked another voice. Another disappointment. I really started thinking about it all. My year and all the episodes and I thought to myself..." a rejection for a VO gig will always be sad" It knocks me off my game for awhile...I mumble to myself, "WTF, why didn't I get that, what didn't they like about me?" It all totally messes with ones mind, and yet believe it or not the disappointing sad feeling is right up there with everything else that goes on in our lives this past year. So I am no different, and yes through the grace of Cancer I can immediately realize other people had worse stories than mine. Sometimes it still feels like mine is just as tough.I sit here on my Saturday night and with my thoughts like a roller coaster ride up and down and up and down, I sit and listen to my pre recorded KZAP radio show and smile. I text a few friends and invite them to listen to all the cool music. The music that brings us back to high school times, times when I didn't even have an ounce of the struggles I have now. Those were the times for sure. The music was magical, it seems to bring me peace. My thoughts stop racing around.Funny how it only makes sense when I can't handle it all anymore, I listen to music, turn others onto it, and think the hell with it all. Escape. That's what I do best, so here I am....thanks for escaping with me.

Hosting Saturday night Radio and evaluating my sound

I knew when I stumbled upon that damn college radio station at UC Santa Cruz I was hooked. What started as a 1 day a week incredibly fun hobby turned to a fulltime Radio career and a second career in Voice Over acting. I was bit by the bug of radio. Lead astray by the magic of music, seduced by Radio's charm.Here I am 3 1/2 decades later thirsting for it all again. I do have it, only very differently now. I built my own studio to record my voice overs, leaving corporate radio a few years back and now host a Saturday night Rock and Blues show on KZAP - Sacramento. I don't choose the KZAP music like I did in my UC Santa Cruz days or like in my early Radio years when we used index cards color coded, for each song and we the jock were able to choose the song, date the time, and file it in the back of the box.KZAP chooses the music for me, but I like it, and that is a radio hosts dream come true. I am here to feel the music with you. I don't talk politics, not allot of mention of family life, but I do share the feeling that was felt when the particular song ruled our life along time ago. This gig, I record from home, and load my breaks onto a computer server and listen to the show on a Saturday night like everybody else listening. Yet it still brings me the magic it did when I first started on the airwaves. When I hear my raps I evaluate them...Did I connect with you? Do you feel like I am your friend? Did your emotion change when you heard the song, in the same way it did for me? There's no politics in this gig. The Program Director actually offered the job to me as I called him looking for ad agencies for my voice over career! He knew my passion. He appreciated my experience. he knew I loved the radio.Life is so different now. I am older, I've worked every radio format there is, and every day part they offer, I have fought 3 cancers, raised a wonderful child, experienced a painful young divorce, and now experience a handful 2nd husband, lol, moved many times, traveled many places, been misunderstood by many and many I don't understand, but to have my passion still in my grip is one of the most fulfilling things I can be doing. Saturday nights are good just the way they are....listening to my show on KZAP Radio. I am deeply blessed through it all and to this day I can recite my mantra that I learned through cancer: I might be down, but I won't give up. Thank you God for my life today.

The Ouch that is felt when a radio gig ends

Again. Yep it happened again. Not a 'phone call' from the Program Director, not a "can I see you after the show?" Not "10 minutes before I was about to go on the air prepared for my show", Not the infamous words "we are going in another direction" - An email. After volunteering for KABL960.com for 13 years, I got the email from the Programming Manager : "I'm so sorry to do this, first and foremost you have done an exceptional job all these years always completely dependable for the past 13 years every Sunday morning for Sunday Sounds but it is just too much work running an internet station with everything else going on in my life, I'm going to shut down KABL" Staring at that email for many seconds and processing what I was feeling, I processed what I know He was feeling, and processed what I knew my other colleague would be feeling and of course what will the listeners do. I was saddened beyond belief. I sat with it for awhile re-reading the email. I started out volunteering at a Santa Cruz college radio station producing a weekly show that I would live for to present each week. It was a mix of Rock, Jazz, Blues, vocals, and instrumentals. I knew I was hooked on this thing called radio.I didn't care that I went to college for another degree, I didn't care I tried another craft for a few years, what I knew is that I was going to embark on my Radio journey.I did with all my heart. landed gigs on every format and every day part in the Industry all in the San Francisco Market: Rock Overnights, Adult Contemporary Weekends, Shock Rock Mornings, Adult Contemporary Mornings, Urban Jazz Mid Days, Smooth Jazz Nights, Love Songs Evenings, and Nostalgia Week Ends hosting Sunday Sounds on KABL960.com. Somewhere in there I took a year to train Voice Overs and made a career with that but I always hung onto a radio gig because I loved the beast. The relationship I created with my KABL960 listeners was so deeply heartwarming, Each email would share the joy Standards and Nostalgia combined would make them feel, allow them to think back and escape from today's world in a very gentle way. These emails came from all over the world. Proving to Me this music is what people miss. I did what I know a dedicated jock would do. I pulled up all my saved emails from the listeners and emailed each and everyone preparing them for the last show. The replies came back immediately, with disbelief and sadness. When Sunday came along I gave them what they rightfully deserved: a heartfelt music filled show from KABL960.com. So I closed with a goodbye with an attempt to correctly pronounce the word good bye with the many languages of the listeners I met, and closed shop. I will resurrect, because I love the joy music brings to people. It's what you do when bit by the Radio bug. I will still record voice overs, but I can't shelf the magic of music. Thank You KABL960, it was a wonderful part of my Radio journey.

From Radio to Voice Overs and Boz Scaggs encounters in between

Sometime, a long time ago, I told my childhood friend, Lisa "one day I want to be a DeeJay", at least that is what she told Me when we found each other decades later as adults. I was the kid that had the transistor radio, the bed side clock Radio, the 45's ,cassettes and LP's. I loved all types of music as a teen in the early 70's. When Boz Scaggs music was introduced to Me, my heart melted, literally. His suave good looks, his music style, and as a San Francisco resident he had Me captivated. The Oakland Paramount, The Greek Theatre, the college campuses, the night clubs, all the venues he played...I was there singing along to every song He performed and leaving the concert elated for days afterwards.I guess it wasn't a surprise that after 2 different careers I sought out a local radio station to work at. I created a Radio show where of course Boz music was in the mix and the show became a town favorite. I had found my passion and soon embarked on my Radio career in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was a jock for Rock, Urban Jazz, Smooth Jazz, Adult Contemporary and Nostalgia formats. It became apparent when Boz was on the play list, my colleagues knew Trish was in heaven to be able to talk about his latest airplay song. Magically these stations gave me an edge to meet Boz. Every colleague asked "what would you do if you met Boz?" Well I did, and every story is as silly as the next: First encounter: Dec 1999 I was let go of my Smooth Jazz station KKSF. In the weeks following I traveled back to the station to create my demo to send out to stations for a new gig.I met a friend at Don Pedros in the city, the restaurant across from Boz's place, Slim's nightclub. I looked across the room at the bar and told my friend "that bartender looks like Boz's brother Mark" She laughed and encouraged me to ask. So I did. "Excuse Me but you look just like Boz Scaggs brother" He slowly turned his head toward the right of Me and there was Boz! Having a glass of wine. I gasped, and blurted,"Oh my gosh, I love you!"Boz looked startled,rightfully so, so my 30 second elevator speech went into action, "I am on air here in SF, have been for many formats and am teased constantly when we play your music,I have been following you for decades,this is an honor to meet you!" Boz in that quiet voice asked, "so how do you know Mark?", I don't personally, but just see him setting up,so knew it was him".I thanked Boz, scurried out of the restaurant with my friend, who began hysterically laughing watching Me fumble for my keys and ride in shock back to the East Bay.My colleagues heard about the story for days. Second encounter: Round two 2007 at KKSF. Yes they hired Me back. Within months I was invited to meet up with the fan club at Mountain Winery pre concert. Gathering spot was a local hotel and then off to the concert.Choosing the hotel elevator to carry my luggage I stepped in, and there he was: Boz standing there. I about died. I froze, he didn't want to chat so I contained every single out of control emotion I had until I made it to my room.Once through the door it was there that I called anybody who understood Me and described the moment. Nobody believed I didn't say a word. Third encounter: Boz playing at GAMH and a fellow fan friend with that extra ticket,so of course I was in. Superb show as always and she scored a VIP Meet n Greet ticket. The nerves rattled again as we stood in the greet line, what could I say this time?! "Great show Boz, love when you perform the Blues, not sure if you remember Me but I was the star struck girl in the elevator last month" Showing that sly Boz smile and a very quiet "Awe, yes" I had nothing more to say, just another warmed heart. Fourth encounter:My fellow Boz fan, Erin, understands. 2010 was my Colon Cancer stage 3 diagnosis-not surprising was my thought, "I have to see Boz once more in case I don't make it" So Erin and I trekked to Napa while in my final month of chemo, very weak, but determined. Through Erin knowing Ms Monet I had my final meet with Boz. After the show we nervously waited near the stage door,and out came Boz. Nothing but a quiet "hello", what Boz didn't know was what he did for my spirit that night. You'd never know I was as sick as I was,but what Boz did for my soul was magic. So Happy Birthday Boz thank you for playing the music you do. I think I'll add Boz to the playlist on my internet shows Saturday eve on K-Zap and Sunday morn on kabl960.com, and smile for sure with a big warm heart once again.

Shelter in Place Microphone ready and boxed memories to go through

Our new normal has affected everybody. Working from home recording voice overs once again is my blessing. When I fought my Cancer, who knew I was weak and tired and counting every day as a gift and there I was reading my scripts. Now as we navigate this pandemic, I have settled in to this job easily. The scripts aren't coming like they use to, but it seems to keep me from slipping into the funk so many are struggling with. Had yet another diagnosis of cancer cells in January. Surgery was performed, tissue removed and ALL 25 lymph nodes are clear. I have yet another chance on life. Now it's time to purge and clean and re-evaluate it all. I decided it is time to go through my box of old cards. The journey through the letters and notes and cards have reminded me of family, friends, long time ago loves, and memories of when my marriage was more loving. Having to move with the time, I carefully pick and choose which cards to purge and which ones should I keep just a wee bit longer. A card from my Father telling me he cares about me and loves Me, Hmmm, where did that come from? Sweet sentiments from my Husband, an email from my ex husband when he found Me on the radio, and rattled my world. The card from my youngest brother thanking Me for the support I gave him during the loss of his marriage, his job, his sobriety. My girlfriends and all their support on my birthdays, my cancer journey, and cards just appreciating our friendships. My crazy French lover in Europe when I traveled 9 countries on my own with a back pack at age 28. The boyfriends after my divorce who I swore were thee one.I certainly am a sucker for a charmer that is for sure. There was a response letter from my therapist, Hila, who I had randomly reached out to and thanked her for her 2 x 4 therapy that I should've listened to a helluva lot longer than I did! The letters and child like writing of Adam I cannot give away, so it goes back into the box as it makes me smile about those early years as a Mom. This isn't an easy task to do, but it needs to be done.The memory seed has been replanted and now as I am here looking back on the road I have traveled, I guess now is not the time to let it all unravel and just move with the time and my moments today. It was a good project. I have an audition to do, and I can thank God for life today once again.

9 years later and it reared its ugly head again

So Cancer decided to visit Me again. 9 years later and I run scared again. 9 years later and the only thing that gets me through is prayer, friends positive words, and getting myself on the microphone. I frantically take care of all the business I need to do. I scramble to get my voice over work orders done, book myself out, all the while staring at the clock that tomorrow will be here and I will be under the knife again. What the hell is this all about? The flood of emotions is the same today as it was nine years ago.Angry, denial, fear, surrendering, disbelief. 9 years ago I am told I have uterine cancer. A full hysterectomy and a stage 1 diagnosis. I dodged the bullet, or so I thought. There sitting in my intestines was an ugly cancerous polyp. The surgeon saw it while I was under the knife. I heal, live with a new scar on my belly and think to myself this won't get Me, "I eat too well, I exercise, I am loving life". It didn't matter because the polyp that was removed was stage 3 Colon Cancer. WTF! My friends got Me through, they stepped up. Drove me to those grueling 6 months of chemo appointments, believed in Me, kept me from going to that dark place that we can go to when told we have cancer. I watched our son Adam fold. I learned later from a long talk with him that he felt he had to put the kid aside and be an adult, he didn't have time to go through that stage in his life. It broke my heart hearing this. This stupid disease wrecks havoc on everybody around Me. I live with endless side effects: numb feet, calves, and hands, lymphedema in my left leg, anxiety at every Doctor's appointment. Cancer you mean SOB, why do you visit Me again? It's that bargain with God again. Give me another chance, don't cut up my body again.let me continue my work, and as silly and laughable as it is....let me see Boz again, let Me see my son marry, have a child, let me feel normal. This is out of my control once again.I reflect on my life and think I did okay. I did what I loved in life. I'm okay. Yet I am numb. I stare at my words here and can't believe I am writing them again.What's the lesson? I can't figure it out. Maybe I am a lesson for others. Who knows. My mantra lives on, for some bizarre completely insane reason I know I am suppose to say :God thank you for my life today.

The 2019 Reflection on life and Voice Overs

I can't put my finger on it, but for many years I have not been all whipped up about New Years Eve and the year ahead. There is an underlying restless discontentment. I watch all the optimistic posts on Social Media and think "why can't I recite that mantra". The annual New Years Day ritual of journeying through my 2019 calendar and transferring all the dates and memories: "the 1 year ago, the 2 years ago to remember events" starts my mind thinking it IS all about gratitude. It is the only way to rise above the doubts and these restless feelings. So I journey through my calendar and I find many things to fill my heart with joy. Taking on Yoga classes Visits from dear friends and radio friends and showing them my ocean and mountain community Getting through Jeff's lung surgery and all the stress that surfaced Getting through another annual colonoscopy and cancer free First time state's visits: cattle farms, San Juan Bautista, Amador County, Glen Ellen Seeing the music I love: Boz, ColdBlood, Willie K, The Rhythm Vandals, Micheal Gaither, The Unauthorized Rolling Stones Attending a childhood friends son's wedding Attending Arlen's Memorial service Comforting those that endure the heartbreaking anniversary dates of their loved one's passing Hosting my sister in law from Georgia to treat her to her trip of a lifetime Making improvements on my Capitola condo Meeting brand new friends in my new mountain area Spending Christmas with our son and his girlfriends family and Voicing, still. No big bookings but being on the microphone to fill my heart's desire. My voice over career is a crapshoot, my life is a crapshoot. So after all the notations are made I realize life is what I make it. There's nothing more to it than that. Thank you God for my life today.