Another annual, another dose of anxiety

Carrying this Lynch Syndrome gene requires preventative appointments to stay alive. I've always done the usual annuals: the mam, the pap, the physical, the eyes, the teeth, but the one test that will save my life I dread. I brought it to my cancer support group and when it was my turn to speak after hearing a half dozen other survivors telling their stories of endless appointments and bravely chasing their cures, I confessed my procrastination of making THE APPOINTMENT. One of my fellow support group members, handed me a cell phone and said "make the appointment in front of us" , and there I did, and within a week I was scheduled. I hate that colonoscopy, it is just gross prepping for it. Every sip of that solution gets me closer to the appointment. As I was downing my last few glasses today, with a pounding head ache, hunger pangs causing my whole body to ache, I started to cry,and boy was it overdue. I sat there in the front room an hour away from the procedure and I finally cried. Sucks I have this syndrome. That's all I could think about and I also think about how scared I am by it all. I really am. I survived the chemo and the surgeries but this annual testing is what I am left with. I thought how many other millions on this very day are consuming that liquid to have their test, and then i thought I am probably the only one I know doing this today, it was the pity pot in all it's glory. I checked my voice over orders before leaving, and thought thank goodness I work from home and can do this, it's something I love so much and can look forward to at the end of this day...and off I went to the procedure. Hilariously on the drive in I listened to Eminem of all people, I loved his lyric: "Im a rip this shit till my bones collapse". Yep I am gonna "whip this shit till my bones collapse." that's what I think about it all. Go to hell cancer! So the drug was perfect, I actually saw on the screen some images but I was slipping in and out of seeing it, damn the drug was good. When I saw the Doctor walk in afterwards and I was so grateful it was finally all over he then says to me " No polyps this time at all" Took some tissue for testing but looked great", what a relief. So those words on this day in my little life were all just part of the annual and all part of the annual dose of anxiety. Stage 3 colon cancer,what a diagnosis. I still think maybe it was all a mistake maybe the Doctors just wanted to make me a guinea pig. I cannot understand this horrific disease and why there is so many afflicted with it and why there isn't a cure. There is a problem here. A huge one.So I plug along with my calendar of appointments, fears and anxiety, and face it like I have to. Thank goodness I can come home to a microphone and scripts and a passion that is my own, and breathe a sigh of relief I am done with that annual test