Feeling grateful to be alive this year

Last year at this time I was 6 months out of chemotherapy treatments. I sincerely think I was still operating in the fright stage. Glad the chemo was over but deeply traumatized by the journey. I just moved through it. I think I was experiencing PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder. I was anxious. I could close my eyes and feel the emotion of fear and the other feelings I had for a year, many times reducing me to tears...but this year it is different. I drive around town with my to do list for my Christmas gifts. Making all those photo calendars for friends and family, creating memories for them and creating warm smiles for me. As I drove many times in the past few weeks, I would suddenly think...wow I am here this year. I would have this child like warmth come over me,; excited that it's Christmas and loving all the decorations and continually thinking..."wow I am here this year" I could've been gone. Adam could've been having Christmas without me, and my friends and family would just move on as we do after one passes. I got it, and will always live by it. Cancer taught me this. I am grateful to be alive. I want more time to spend with family and friernds and I want to continue to see the beauty that is out there despite the bickering amongst each other;and the senseless killings and the cancer that still takes others. I want to give back what was given to me. I sat with my friend Carla while she went through her chemo treatments and now my friend Diane faces her cancer. I have signed up to take her to appointments and visit her at her house. I never would've done this had I not had cancer. it changes one, it changes us in a good way...I am so very grateful. Thank you God for my life today, yesterday and tomorrow. Merry Christmas.