Sitting through movie credits until the end ...

The beauty of being a voice actor and working from home is the scripts come in all day. Voice a few in the morning, step out to get the dog out for a little play, check the IPhone emails for new scripts and if there is a break once in awhile I can slip into a movie theater and see a movie. What I find happens here as I get myself settled and the trailers begin flashing on the screen, an overwhelming feeling in my heart and my stomach of wanting to have my "based on a true story screenplay" up there on that screen. That yearning of wanting to have my screenplay produced and that yearning of wanting to land the ultimate voice over gig, and that yearning of just wanting to feel success, tugs fiercely at my heartstrings. I sit through the movie relating to a character, I admire their terrific acting, I get the story. All the while feeling that feeling. I am seeing the movie because I know I can relate to that character in some way, for some reason, because it parallels an event in my life, somehow. There is always that scene that evokes tears, and it is there at that very moment that I almost feel as though I can't sit through this because the crazy desire is so huge! Who feels like this?!? It has to be every actor and actress that wants it so bad. The multitude of thoughts of "will I accomplish this goal before I die?" quickly transitioning into "be grateful for what you've done" then the bartering with God "please this week let me land the big voice over", it all stirs up from watching the movie. As the ending nears I keep thinking "what a great story" ...and then the movie ends. The credits start rolling and one by one people leave. I sit there scrolling all the names of those involved in producing the movie, I study the font, I enjoy the final song, and then sit through all the soundtrack with my eyes darting to the song title, who it was sung by, and hope I didn't miss the one song that grabbed me while watching the picture. I am left with the same feelings in the beginning sitting alone in the theater at the end. I slowly get up and walk up the aisle alone, soon blinded by the sun shining through the lobby.I immediately check my emails on my phone to see if a script came in. I hope there is an audition that I can tackle as soon as I get back to my little studio. The praying begins as I turn the key to my car and travel home, "Please let me book a big one" my mantra. There is no other way to redirect the overwhelming feelings other than choosing one of the most uplifting sing a long-able tunes I have in my music library, and it is then that I bottle up those feelings and just feel grateful I am doing what I love for my career and that I just treated myself to a wonderful movie that I saw from beginning to the movie credits end. Thank you God for my life today-smile.