Blood work

The drive to the Oncology infusion center is tomorrow for my routine blood work. When i started to blog today I thought "blood work" then I thought "the drive" then my mind began picturing "the clinic"....the smell, the people with cancer, the patients rolling their contraptions that have all their tubes hooked up to the chemo bags...I see it all. It makes me queezy. Another visit. I am almost at my year mark for being off chemo..thank God.Ugh! My friend Fred is going through his journey, my friend Gloria, hers. Nobody can embrace this if they haven't gone through it. It is baffling. Tomorrow I am going to turn in the urine sample that i shoud've done last time, but was too busy and not ready to pee anyway-now it's checking my bladder to see if all is well in there. Geez this Lynch Syndrome doesn't leave a stone unturned...stupid cancer. So my mind will chatter to itself for the next 24 hours and when it is all done tomorrow after leaving the office,  I will be happy as ever. Thank God for my life today!

How much pain can one really tolerate?

Sometimes I think this nueropathy from my chemo therapy is going to drive me nuts.I keep thinking how many more years do I want to live with this. The constant tingling of my fingers and feet and toes is unbearable at times. I think I should've stopped the damn chemo long ago, or maybe I shouldn't have even went for it. It is nuts, it is crazy making. I don't know what to do to make it all go away. To feel normal again feels so far away. I hate answering people who ask "how are you feeling?" or say "you look great!" A split second behind that question or statement is my thought of "I am in pain from this stinkin nueropathy!!!"If I can experience a miracle I would be forever grateful.I go to bed each night exhausted from dealing with the pain, and I wake up to it.Cancer you are an asshole! I will never take on chemo therapy again.