Triggers from My Cancer

I am reminded daily that I had cancer...the tingling in my toes, feet, calves and fingers. I can't stand it. I often feel angry. It's been 2 years since chemo stopped and I am still numb.I am realizing I may have to live with this and that is when I struggle to not go into a funk. I can't run the way I use to, I am not steady enough on my feet to play racquetball-the sport I love! I sprained my ankle and didn't even know it. I am now in Physical Therapy trying to strenghhen my ankle. As I lay there being worked on I can feel the tears wanting to fall. I can only think, "the only reason why I am here being worked on is because I was treated for cancer with chemotherapy" It is a trigger, a reminder, a hard thought to just let go of...now I have new news. The August colonoscopy removed a polyp. It was benign, but the pathologist is not liking the fact it came from the wall of the intestine. "Like a weed", he says..."you may think you pulled it but you don't know what is left under the dirt"....I have a decision to make and I don't want to. I want to avoid it, run from it, and scream loudly in anger about it. Another colonoscopy this time in SF with experts who will go in deeper to the wall, where this is a slight risk of puncturing the wall...or remove the colon. Hell frickin no!!!I already feel old tolerating this numbness, now I would have to watch whatever i eat because I wouldn't have allot of intestine. It all sucks. It all makes me angry, I don't want to do this. Triggers from cancer are never ending.....where's the mic I think, give me a script and let me escape through voice acting. That's what I will do about it all.