The Annual CT Scan and all it's emotions

I did it again today, the annual CT Scan. The big white tube, the IV in my vein and thehot solution that goes through them. The metallic taste in my mouth.The deep voiced recording that says: "Hold your Breath", the time lapse and the recorded voice again that says "Now Breathe". I didn't cry this time. When the first nasty chemo sessions were over in 2011, I layed there with tears streaming down my face. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I was told I was experiencing. It was all so surreal. Like what the hell am I doing here kind of thoughts. This year no tears, I guess it means I am moving through it. However before I left this morning for the imaging center my dear friend Carla emails me and says her CT Scan found spots and they may recommend the chemo series again. Carla, my childhood friend, who had stomach cancer. Initially thinking maybe it was an ulcer, or maybe some bug she caught while vacationing in Mexico. I visited her at a few of her chemoinfusions and we sat and laughed and shared all the fears we go through after a diagnosis of cancer. The thought of having to make that decision again sickens me. When in hell are they going to find a cure for this deadly disease?So I wait a few days, the results are mailed to my Oncologist, and I see him in a few weeks....I am letting it go. I'll pick up the phone and book my annual physical, annual mammagram and annual pap smear..oh and annual colonoscopy...more tests to endure, more mind games to get through...geez who would've thought this was part of my story...life goes on. Thank you God for my life today.