CT Scan clear-hallelujah!

I was holding my breath for this CT Scan result as I just couldn't bear to go through with it all again. The news was joyous-but a lifetime committment of preventative measures is required by me. So each time I get a test I am sure there will be some jittery nerves. I hosted a little dinner for my friends who helped me. it was so wonderful to publically tell them thank you. They just had no idea how scared I was and how I struggled everyday over the fear I had wrappped around it all. I am still numb in my hands and toes, but ANYTHING is better than chemo infusions. Gosh those were awful!
If I had to really listen to my voice...I would hear "rest" yes that is my mantra-maybe that is what God wanted all along: slow down girl and rest!I have a choice about where I want to place myself: I can stew over my own pissiness or I can drop it and enjoy each and every moment. I think the later choice is the place to settle into. To make that a habit would be a lifetime achievement. I will always face obstacles and I know no one can make me any happier than I can make myself. So it's time to do it.
I guess when it all comes to an end I want to be able to easily answer to the questions;
Whose life did I touch?...Who did I love?.... and..... who loved me back?
I guess what it all boils down to is I am the creator of my lifes experiences!

Nerves are acting up

Thursday is my big day with the Oncologist...we will be going over my final CT Scan. I guess it will always be this way for the rest of my life...nerves before tests and nerves when waiting for results. it's all about preventative at this point. I am believing it is all clear. I have my voice overs to take my mind off of it all.....thank you God for my life today!

Side Effects suck

As if enduring 12 rounds, 6 months of chemo isn't enough....I am left with 24/7 tingling feelings in my hands and feet. I can't manage in the kitchen at all...can't open jars, plastic baggies, containers, and have to use a towel to get into the refrigerator and as for buttoning my shirt or zipping my pants or even removing my bra, I can't do it without jeffs help. it's even difficult to edit my voice work on the computer...my hand and fingers keeps slipping off of the mouse. My feet have to be in an enclosed shoe or I slide all over the place. It's crazy.Thank goodness the weather is warming up as it is giving me some relief....They say this may last up to a year...there has to be some remedy to rid me of this. I did the detox today...immersed my foot in ionized water...it turned rusty, almost black.....all I could think is good riddence chemo! But it's all about diet.I could go back next week and the water will be just as contaminated with my toxins....almighty Lord please come up with a different remedy for cancer it is one f'd up disease!.

Time to challenge the state of my life

It's all  a matter of choice, and yes a huge endeavor to challenge the state of my  life.To step back and really do an inventory can be painful, but seeing life through the eyes of cancer is a different vision. I need to challenge myself to stay healthy and take preventative steps and look at the littlest things in life as blessings.I need to be delivered from fear so i can really move on. I had a blessed day today, enjoyed a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper, spent time talking to my mechanic about life,dropped in on my friends new business and chatted,  and popped in on the local Amercian Cancer Society office....I was just there to pick up some stickers so that i may put them on my letters and I told them my story.The woman in the shop after hearing about my numb fingers and toes and loss of appetite finally on the rebound, losing my eye lashes and thinning of my hair...walked me into the wig room and gave me a wig! I was reduced to tears. How could they be so generous, I started to tear up and thanked her profusely. So for the fun of it, I have long blonde hair now...A simple beautiful gesture that made my day....I came home to  few voice overs and felt blessed.Guess Jesus really is the only way...he was behind this day of mine, I know he was! Thank you for my lfe!