9 years later and it reared its ugly head again

So Cancer decided to visit Me again. 9 years later and I run scared again. 9 years later and the only thing that gets me through is prayer, friends positive words, and getting myself on the microphone. I frantically take care of all the business I need to do. I scramble to get my voice over work orders done, book myself out, all the while staring at the clock that tomorrow will be here and I will be under the knife again. What the hell is this all about? The flood of emotions is the same today as it was nine years ago.Angry, denial, fear, surrendering, disbelief. 9 years ago I am told I have uterine cancer. A full hysterectomy and a stage 1 diagnosis. I dodged the bullet, or so I thought. There sitting in my intestines was an ugly cancerous polyp. The surgeon saw it while I was under the knife. I heal, live with a new scar on my belly and think to myself this won't get Me, "I eat too well, I exercise, I am loving life". It didn't matter because the polyp that was removed was stage 3 Colon Cancer. WTF! My friends got Me through, they stepped up. Drove me to those grueling 6 months of chemo appointments, believed in Me, kept me from going to that dark place that we can go to when told we have cancer. I watched our son Adam fold. I learned later from a long talk with him that he felt he had to put the kid aside and be an adult, he didn't have time to go through that stage in his life. It broke my heart hearing this. This stupid disease wrecks havoc on everybody around Me. I live with endless side effects: numb feet, calves, and hands, lymphedema in my left leg, anxiety at every Doctor's appointment. Cancer you mean SOB, why do you visit Me again? It's that bargain with God again. Give me another chance, don't cut up my body again.let me continue my work, and as silly and laughable as it is....let me see Boz again, let Me see my son marry, have a child, let me feel normal. This is out of my control once again.I reflect on my life and think I did okay. I did what I loved in life. I'm okay. Yet I am numb. I stare at my words here and can't believe I am writing them again.What's the lesson? I can't figure it out. Maybe I am a lesson for others. Who knows. My mantra lives on, for some bizarre completely insane reason I know I am suppose to say :God thank you for my life today.