Watch a video about cancer and I cry like a baby

I just viewed the sweetest video about a teacher who has cancer and her kids in the school choir singing :I'm gonna love you through it". Tears streamed down my face as I watched that. Anybody would cry over it, but being a cancer survivor, it brought me right back to it all. The overwhelming emotions that navigate one through the day are endless. You go about the day showering, driving, working and running errands and the whole time in your mind the voice is heard in your head "I have cancer!". It never leaves you. It's an amazing journey. It's a constant battle of fighting it and then cursing it. It has been 5 years for me and the tears and emotions are just as raw. I am reminded daily of it, as I put on my ugly ass compression stocking with my leg wanting to swell because of the removed lymph nodes from my first cancer, uterine cancer, I mutter "fuck you cancer", then I immediately think, "get on with your day, get over it", How one can go from one extreme emotion to the next is crazy. Don't get me wrong I have those very common gratitude thoughts also of "it could be worse" reminding me of the other evening catching a commercial on TV of Olympians who have lost their legs,as I lay on the couch with my legs tingling from nueropathy and feeling sorry for myself and my thought goes to after viewing it "well at least I have legs" Maybe cancer can be looked at as a gift. Maybe my friend was right years ago who said that to Me "one day you'll thank your cancer". Maybe the fact that our emotions shift so quickly from dispair to gratitude, that is cancer's gift. I am currently talking a sweet radio colleague through her cancer journey now. I know the fear, each appointment is so scary because the Doctors and Nurses are doing things to our bodies that we have no control over and yet everybody around us is cheering us on because they are scared for us. Please understand there are days where the cancer patient just wants to weep and feel sorry for ourselves. Let us do it, please let us do it. To have tears so real and raw so many years later only confirms how mind boggling being a cancer patient is. As my cancer surviving friend Cindy told me, "remember the daily mantra, thank you God for my life today", what else can I do?