It's too hard to understand

Why does everything happen the way it does?I can only conclude God has  his hands in it everytime. The lesson is there for us to learn. It's the perfect opportunity for the student to be taught.When observing the same ol story occuring over and over again... it is time. It seems as though I go through all this drama to be heard. It's like I never had a voice and when things happen that involve me it is me looking to be heard. How funny I chose a career that allowed my voice to be heard via a microphone-but ah yes, the words aren't even mine  as they are really carefully dictated by some Program Director, or by a script. So the microphone is symbolic as to what I really want...to be heard. Whether it is to cry or to be frustratingly angry there is this desperate action to be heard, to get attention, to act stubborn, to not forgive someone to make my point. All I am really trying to do is say what I am feeling. I know where it all is coming from....from a place a long, long time ago when I was just a little girl. It all seems like a big  internal mess.