I took a deep, deep breath before going into the medical building today. I knew I would see patients-but then I remembered I go to the "other side"...so maybe I wouldn't see any. Who was I foolin...the "other side" consists of patients in treatment who are taking a breather from the tubes and the liquid chemo and visitng the Oncologist for an update on their side effects and blood tests. I stood at the reception window and looked through to the other side-there he was. A man who's skin was yellow, and his eyes beedy black and we just locked eyes. I couldn't take it. He didn't stop staring and he looked so scared. I was flooded with emotion. I wished I would've went around the desk and hugged him.....but I didn't. I sat down and waited. I felt almost guilty for being done. It was something I couldn't put my finger on. I was called back to the lab....oh no, blood drawn. I don't like it. The fear started up again. I don't like needles. They couldn't draw blood so had to turn the needle and pinch harder. I couldn't look, I survived it. My chat with the Doctor was to catch up..tell him about nueropathy, ask when I should do another CT scan, and inform him my next colonoscopy is next week...He said I looked great. Really? Really? Maybe I do.
I decided to go to the room where I was so familiar with-to say hello to Susan and Cathy-my awesome nurses who nurtured me through it all. They couldn't believe what I looked like. They said I should be a testimony. Maybe that is what I should do..I have thought about it many times. So my ride home was quiet, I stopped off and made numerous copies of my medical bills to send off to the stupid insurance company to get some money back, and came home and did what I love....my voice overs. Thank you God for my life, thank you for what I can do today.
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