I think I've changed

I think I have changed. How could one not, after going through cancer? I think as much as I act like  my same ol' feisty self-no one can take away from me what I have learned from it all. The introspective I have on life, my life. I can easily go about my same ol quirks and behaviors, but peel it all away.. and there is a different woman here.That's a damn good thing. What a frickin way to learn a lesson, but it is what it is!I still get choked up when I hear myself talking about "the lesson" through cancer. I think it's because no one can imagine how scared I was. I felt like a little girl the whole time, and when i start to cry thinking about it all now-I realize how raw and tender I am still.It was just too much fear to handle. So, I am nearing this incredible year of fighting to survive and swimming through so much fear and gaining awareness of just who the hell I am, and I guess it's all okay. I can go into the new year with this gift.
I can set new goals and work on doing better in my voice over business, doing better at loving my husband, doing better at being a better listener, and doing better at trying to be a sweet person.It's a minute by minute challenge for me, as I have operated on survival and running around like a crazy woman for the majority of my life. I am so hard on myself-I wished I was MORE changed....silly I know. But I must practice what i am preaching here and be blessed by the small changes I have made that are deep inside.So, enough for tonight, I will work on it. I am where I am suppose to be.