The struggles that come with self awareness

When we begin to peel off the layers, all hell breaks lose. Think about it, it rattles everything. Every action we took for granted, every person we encounter, all our close personal relationships all get rattled along with the self discovery. It's all these continuous earthquake trembles. Then we have to walk on these newly discovered shakey grounds and try to make some sense of it all. I seem to be questioning everything these days. Will I come out alright on the other side? Will I even make it to the other side? It has to be cancer that started this journey. In the throes of it my mind was in survival mode. I didn't think about the various people that irritated me, I really couldn't care less about them. I loved that lesson more than anything in the world. Now that I am done with chemo and all it's aftermath I am left with me....the Me that can't understand Me.The whole realization of discovering my voice, and then being okay with what has been said, and then realizing admitting I am wrong doesn't have to have the aftermath of more negative consequences, is just totally foreign. The ironic part of all this is...my career is recording and sharing my voice to the world!What the hell is that about? And the ultimate joy I get when recording my voice is just so genuine and authentic. I thank God he lead me to my career of voice overs, I thank him every day. I guess the struggle is all part of the self awareness that I am needing to embrace right now, today and from this day forward. I am baffled by it all. Thank you God for my life today!