Another anniversary date

One year ago at this time, this very week,  I had my very first chemo infusion. All I can remember is crying from the moment they inserted that needle into my port. I sat and cried for 3 hours as the chemicals began their journey through my body.I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I had 2 cancers in one year. The amount of trauma and drama that it has caused me is just unfair. I felt at times forever grateful I was alive, and loved each and everyone of my supportive  and loving friends, and yet I think I am carrying around an anger that I had to go through with it at all. It's not where I should be, I know better, but yet I am all so confused about the event overall. Every cancer victim goes through all these emotions but what each cancer victim does with them is so unique too.
My big goal right now is that I am trying to have a voice-and I am royally screwing up using it. All the emotioanl crap gets in the way and I fall back into only what i know, and that is to trip over it all and make bigger messes. It's absolutely crazy making...I have spent 4 hours doing voice overs and absolutely loving it and yet all the while, swallowing my pride at making a 17 year old girl cry...Adam's unstable ex, or is she? girlfriend ....after me a grown woman addressed my dissatisfaction with all her actions toward Adam, at, of all places, his Senior class camping trip! What provoked me? Seeing her pouting and following Adam around the campsite. Their whole relationship mthey had seems truly insane...but you are probably thinking, as so am I, who is the insane one here? Probably me..will God forgive me? I sometimes wonder about it all. I am too mature to be tripping over this same bullshit in my life...I have to breathe deep and try again for tomorrow is a new day, and thank God I see my counselor tomorrow morning. and I am already cringing on sharing this latest chapter in my life with him....I have to. I have to grow more. God help me to really hear these words I am about to write: Thank you for my life today.