My ovarian cancer surviving buddy, Cindy, said upcoming tests will be nerve wracking. I am already feelin the jitters. In one day I have both a Pap and Mam appointment...then it's the Colonoscopy.With that strong as hell chemo saturating my body-I must be clear-and will be for the rest of my living life.
I want my port removed. The noticeable bump on my chest is still uncomfortable to look at. Adam looks at it briefly and looks quickly away saying: "Mom you have to get that out". I can see how it pains him to look at it. The reminder of the whole journey. It was just too much for a 17 year old kid. I can't help but think what my brother Marty went through when he was as young and my Mom was battling her breast cancer. She was physically sick throwing up constantly and so weak, and he had to witness it all. I truly believe to this day at age 51, he is traumatized by it all. Their minds can't comprehend healing, it is filled with fear that we will abandon them through death. I know when Adam heard the diagnosis of the 2nd cancer-colon-he just fell apart and rightfully so. He was so angry at God. So for him to look at the port with almost a look of disgust, I understand. So it's another procedure I must endure. The clock is ticking.
Thank you for my life today Jesus.
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