Annual Colonoscopy for a Colon Cancer Survivor

I guess it doesn't help that I have a large amount of anxiety around my Cancer. There are so many so much braver, are living with a colostomy bag and many who have lost the fight. I am living, I have no bag, and I am a baby.I dreaded today. I was behind in my annual Colonoscopy procedure. Procrastination, my former surgeon on a sabbatical, and finding a GI Surgeon close to home. I am suppose to have a Colonoscopy every year, and every other year an Endoscopy. The appointment where they go at Me on both ends. This was my appointment today. I have been a bundle of nerves for weeks.I found my new surgeon, had my Facetime appointment, and added it to my calendar. So today there I was...in a new facility, with a new surgeon and the year of the "double treatment". Lord knows I got through the prep, but the 1 hour drive to the new Surgeon was nerve wracking. I didn't say much on the ride just tried to stop the chatter in my brain. My son Adam checked in as I finally told him 2 days ago I was going in. he told me I need to work on the anxiety. HA! Easier said than done. Crazy thoughts passed through my mind. What if they find a polyp? What if I have to make the decision for treatment? What if it interrupts Adam's upcoming wedding? What if I'm not even here! The thoughts were rampant.The routine was the same: checking in with pages of papers to sign, then escorted to the room, then changing into the dumb oversized gown. As I settled myself on the bed and the Nurse came in to start the IV the tension grew.Questions, blood pressure, temperature and then to find the vein. My veins aren't easy, I knew when I felt her patting my arm she was having a problem. I began to breathe deeply. She tried. It didn't work. I hit my limit...I started to cry. Huge tears began pouring down my cheeks,and she apologized for hurting Me. I wasn't hurt, I was horribly scared. Through tears I told her, "My journey scares Me, you didn't hurt Me, it's all been too much for too many years" She felt so bad, and asked me to breathe deep, while we settled on my wrist. It worked! I was left to calm down. I stared at the walls. I told myself crying doesn't help and I have to get centered so I do well under anesthesia.As I met the Anesthesiologist I slowly felt better. She reassured me of the endoscopy as I told her I was afraid it would effect my speaking voice. I have voice overs to do when I get home and I booked one with my Agent, so I can't have a different voice.She rolled me into the operating room. I saw new faces in the room. A new nurse approached me and said "I am going to insert your mouth piece, this will allow for the endoscopy" I quickly looked over and heard the Anesthesiologist say, "okay, Trish here you go, sweet dreams" Upon waking back in my room there stood my surgeon, Dr Low. "Well everything went great", In my drug induced stuper all I could ask was "Any polyps?" "Absolutely none, I knew you'd be good" Suddenly everything was good, the relief was heavenly, and I could live again for another year.He found some tissue to look at in my stomach, but not of any concern, some mention of Celiac. I will deal with that and read up on it when I get home is what I thought.I was finally elated. So I did it.It is a learning process every year and every year its at a different moment that I cry.I am a baby.Annuals do a number on Me. When I got home I thanked all my prayer warriors who I reached out to. I wrap this day up with deep gratitude once again. God help everyone who goes through health issues. I understand more than you know. Thank you for my life today.