The Waiting Game

I'm waiting for the diagnosis from Stanford..do I carry the gene that predisposes me to colon cancer? Hell I already have it, I already had uterine cancer....what is the point of knowing. The point is I have to let Adam, our son,  know..that will not be a fun conversation...I still can't believe this at all. When I feel my chapped lips, and upset stomach, and I run my hand ever so slowly over where my port is placed, protruding through my skin..I know it is a reality. I am pissed I didn't get a colonsocopy when I was told to do so..maybe all of this wouldn't have happennd. Damn it I am mad at myself.Who the hell knows. All I know is I am scared, sad and tired from it all..In the meantime here in my home studio, I will get back to my voice overs and take my mind off of it all...that is where my solace lies...Screw you cancer!