The annual Colonoscopy STILL causes angst

You'd think after 15 years of having to have an annual Colonoscopy it would become a piece of cake. Not for this girl. The trauma of a Cancer diagnosis is a whirlwind, a game changer, a mind fuck. Ontop of it, I have Lynch Syndrome. A positive DNA predisposing Me to Colon Cancer, Uterine Cancer, and Stomach Cancer. This visit was the double whammy. I had an Endoscopy and a Colonoscopy. From the consultation weeks ago to the long drive down the hill today I was in my head. Nervous. My mind thinking crazy things: hmmm why all of a sudden my 2 nephews are coming from the East Coast to visit for the holidays, why I finally went on the Alaska cruise I had on my bucket list, why I was finally inducted into the Bay Area Radio Hall of Fame and why My beloved best fur baby ever my Olde English Bulldog, LugNut, passed 4 months ago after 12 beautiful years.The mind ran all those thoughts. As I layed there today I didn't cry like before.I decided to clutch the small picture of my LugNut explaining to the Nurse I wasn't a crazy dog lady, I just needed my angel with Me. For some reason I thought having LugNut there would help Me. When I was wheeled into the surgery room and saw the team going over the notes again aloud so they all agree I knew any moment when I went out I would wake up to the results I would have to process no matter what they were. When I awoke there beside my bed was the Nurse and Dr House. I opened my eyes to a smile from both of them and those technical medical photographs of my insides being held by the Doctor. "There were zero polyps this time, Everything looks great" I was in disbeleif. I felt the lump in my throat, but I didn't cry. I just said "Thank You" I grappled with my life again. I thought over and over again I have to let things go, I have to stay away from negativity, I have to only be with authentic people. I have another chance to claim a seat at the table of life. Thank You God for my life today.