Driving alone

I was thinking and thinking on my ride into the clinic today..."just look at what I am doing!" "Look at this, alone and going to this"..it takes strength and prayer to keep going. I am weak, which is a concern. I walked into my local UPS store, and the first words out of the tellers mouth weere "My gosh you've lost weight!"...I told her it was colon cancer and the chemo therapy...They were so, so sorry as I do allot of biz with them. I came home and sobbed. I have cried twice today.It's been such a long journey and I pray all this helacious treatment pays off. I thought about living without Adam..it made it all worse. I want so bad to see him go to college, fulfill those dreams, marry, have a child. My grandchild. Those that already have grandchildren at my age are so lucky.I will make it, but you can see the games the mind plays. I did ask God "why?" again....and there was silence. Maybe that was the message...to stay silent and listen..and if there is quiet, then it means to remain quiet and absorb all that is around us..Maybe that was the lesson, maybe it just was. Stay quiet and observe. I took a shot of wheat grass at Jamba Juice, and I do feel better. Thank you God for my life today!